The Opposite of Lonely

Yesterday I told you all about gaining my running legs. Well those running legs now weigh like 40 pounds each! I am in so much pain today, when I woke up this morning I was going to go running but quickly opted out when I could barely walk. My plan is to take Tank and Diesel over to Dillon tonight and just go for a really long walk. I am sure they will enjoy that and maybe I can shake off some of this soreness. 


Anyways yesterday I read this article that was on the front page of Yahoo and it just keeps popping back into my head for some reason. The article was about this girl, Marina Keegan, who had just graduated from Yale and died in a car accident. She had written this essay and it truly just hit me when I read it. What Marina writes about is so true and I want more people to get a chance to read it because I think we all forget too easily that it is never too late to do what we really want to do.


The Opposite of Lonely: Marina Keegan
We don't have a word for the opposite of loneliness, but if we did, I could say that's what I want in life. What I'm grateful and thankful to have found at Yale, and what I'm scared of losing when we wake up tomorrow and leave this place.

It's not quite love and it's not quite community; it's just this feeling that there are people, an abundance of people, who are in this together. Who are on your team. When the check is paid and you stay at the table. When it's four a.m. and no one goes to bed. That night with the guitar. That night we can't remember. That time we did, we went, we saw, we laughed, we felt. The hats.

Yale is full of tiny circles we pull around ourselves. A cappella groups, sports teams, houses, societies, clubs. These tiny groups that make us feel loved and safe and part of something even on our loneliest nights when we stumble home to our computers -- partner-less, tired, awake. We won't have those next year. We won't live on the same block as all our friends. We won't have a bunch of group-texts.

This scares me. More than finding the right job or city or spouse -- I'm scared of losing this web we're in. This elusive, indefinable, opposite of loneliness. This feeling I feel right now.

But let us get one thing straight: the best years of our lives are not behind us. They're part of us and they are set for repetition as we grow up and move to New York and away from New York and wish we did or didn't live in New York. I plan on having parties when I'm 30. I plan on having fun when I'm old. Any notion of THE BEST years comes from clichéd "should haves..." "if I'd..." "wish I'd..."

Of course, there are things we wished we did: our readings, that boy across the hall. We're our own hardest critics and it's easy to let ourselves down. Sleeping too late. Procrastinating. Cutting corners. More than once I've looked back on my High School self and thought: how did I do that? How did I work so hard? Our private insecurities follow us and will always follow us.

But the thing is, we're all like that. Nobody wakes up when they want to. Nobody did all of their reading (except maybe the crazy people who win the prizes…) We have these impossibly high standards and we'll probably never live up to our perfect fantasies of our future selves. But I feel like that's okay.

We're so young. We're so young. We're twenty-two years old. We have so much time. There's this sentiment I sometimes sense, creeping in our collective conscious as we lay alone after a party, or pack up our books when we give in and go out – that it is somehow too late. That others are somehow ahead. More accomplished, more specialized. More on the path to somehow saving the world, somehow creating or inventing or improving. That it's too late now to BEGIN a beginning and we must settle for continuance, for commencement.

When we came to Yale, there was this sense of possibility. This immense and indefinable potential energy – and it's easy to feel like that's slipped away. We never had to choose and suddenly we've had to. Some of us have focused ourselves. Some of us know exactly what we want and are on the path to get it; already going to med school, working at the perfect NGO, doing research. To you I say both congratulations and you suck.

For most of us, however, we're somewhat lost in this sea of liberal arts. Not quite sure what road we're on and whether we should have taken it. If only I had majored in biology…if only I'd gotten involved in journalism as a freshman…if only I'd thought to apply for this or for that…

What we have to remember is that we can still do anything. We can change our minds. We can start over. Get a post-bac or try writing for the first time. The notion that it's too late to do anything is comical. It's hilarious. We're graduating college. We're so young. We can't, we MUST not lose this sense of possibility because in the end, it's all we have.

In the heart of a winter Friday night my freshman year, I was dazed and confused when I got a call from my friends to meet them at EST EST EST. Dazedly and confusedly, I began trudging to SSS, probably the point on campus farthest away. Remarkably, it wasn't until I arrived at the door that I questioned how and why exactly my friends were partying in Yale's administrative building. Of course, they weren't. But it was cold and my ID somehow worked so I went inside SSS to pull out my phone. It was quiet, the old wood creaking and the snow barely visible outside the stained glass. And I sat down. And I looked up. At this giant room I was in. At this place where thousands of people had sat before me. And alone, at night, in the middle of a New Haven storm, I felt so remarkably, unbelievably safe.

We don't have a word for the opposite of loneliness, but if we did, I'd say that's how I feel at Yale. How I feel right now. Here. With all of you. In love, impressed, humbled, scared. And we don't have to lose that.

We're in this together, 2012. Let's make something happen to this world.

This is a horrible thing what happened to this girl. All I can think is that she is the same age as I am, just starting life and it was all taken from her so fast. Unfortunately we will never be able to read any more pieces from her but I think this one right here has touched me in so many ways that I am going to start doing what I want to do because it is never too late. I am also on the search for my opposite of loneliness. Do you know what yours is?

First things first.

I am not a runner.
I have never run over a mile in my life, except for basketball practices in grade school, but never just gone out decided to run a mile.
I have done a 5K but we walked. Miss Molly and I did our first 5Ks together for this.
I always pray and wish that I could become a runner but I lack something in that dept.
I think it is something in my head but whatever it is I am always wishing it would go away.

So yesterday on my way home from work I was thinking about how many days we have til vacation and how I told myself like 40 days ago that I was going to start working out and eating super healthy and blog about it.
Have many healthy eating and exercising posts have I made? none, zero, nilch, nershkins.
Have I been working out every day? a big fat NO.
Have I started eating any healthier? uhhh...not really.
I am now leaving for the beach 2 weeks from tomorrow. That is 15 days, not too much of my physical appearance can be changed in 15 days. But it is much bigger than 15 days. It is a complete and total lifestyle change and it should not be done just so I look nice sitting on the beach (that is a major plus though) but needs to be done in order to change my overall health for the rest of my life. This doesn't need to be done for other people's eyes but for my own self. The weather here has been amazing with highs in the 80s and 90s however being the nonrunner I am, I am not about to go out running in this heat unless I feel the need to visit my Mom in the ER. So last night I thought to myself the only way I am possibly going to be able to get any outdoor exercise in would be to get up in the morning and do it before getting ready for work. I didn't set my alarm clock for any earlier last night, I actually pretty much passed out on the couch snuggling with Anthony and watching the Hatfields and McCoys and forgot to set my alarm, and I automatically woke up at 6 a.m. which I normally wake up at 7:30 and am running like a mad woman to get ready for work. After laying on the couch for 5 or so minutes I realized my waking up early was a sign that I should go for a run. I quickly threw on some shorts, shirt and shoes, set my playlist to some tunes and pressed "Start" for my MapMyRun ap and I was off. I wasn't real sure on how far I was going to be able to run, figured half a mile and I would turn back. Any other attempts I have made at doing this I have wogged (walking + jogging) and not made it very far. I started to notice that my body was not tiring and I was going much further than I had in the past. So I just kept going....I decided to turn around when my ap told me I had done 1.5 miles and I still had to go that same distance to get home. When I came running in the driveway and it said I had done 3 miles I was so exctied! Words cannot even describe how I was feeling at what I had just accomplished!

I understand that this is just the beginning, that tomorrow I may wake up so sore that I will just roll over and go back to sleep. My goal is to stick to this sudden motivation that I have acquired and use it to its full potential because this is the first step to my healthier life style and I know what I am capable of. Here are my stats of my first run::

Pinteresting Wednesday

I almost forgot that is was Wednesday until I just got this free minute at work and heard Hoda and Kathy Lee announce it is Winesday Wednesday. After having Monday off I am a day behind which is not a bad thing until I almost forget Pinteresting Wednhesday. So thank-you Kathy Lee and Hoda for reminding what day it is. As always I am linking up all my awesome pinterest pins from this week over at The Vintage Apple.

I love this engagement picture...adding to our list of stuff to do for ours

I love all these paper balls hanging from the ceiling, wonder where I can

get a bunch for cheap

Love this for the altar

Program idea

If we end up having an outdoor wedding this is what I want to do for the seating

Now a little DIY projects that I am going to tackle soon

Love this letter and would be good to have for decoration even after the wedding.

If my bridesmaids don't end up wearing boots or heals I might make these for them and there is a perfect tutorial that Tinkets in Bloom provided!

I love these bracelets and have been wondering how to make them.

Hope your all having a wonderful week and aren't as confused as I am for what day of the week it is

Weekend Recap...Picture overload

We had a pretty event packed weekend just like everyone else did. It was extra nice to have Monday off in order to fit in some more fun and recoup from all the running. Friday we had two graduations to attend, Miss Molly's preschool graduation (I don't have those pictures loaded yet) and Jonathan's high school graduation. I hope your ready for some major picture overload in this post. Along with the graduations I also had a birthday party for Vincent, a couple fishing trips, church on Sunday, laying out in the pool,  and a cookout at Hendershot's for Memorial Day yesterday.

before graduation in the front yard. Every year on the first day of school we
have gotten our picture taken under this same tree

Shalene and her brother Devon

JK with Uncle Matt and Aunt Lori

JK with Aunt Erin, Uncle Jeff, Avery and Evan

JK and his buddy Nathan

JK and DJ

Saturday: we had Vincent's birthday party and I got some time to layout by the pool and start my new book.

Vincent was a little embarrassed to have all of us singing to him.

I let Maddy practice her french braiding on my hair...she is really good!

Sunday: I woke up just in time to make it to 9:00 church. I ended up going by myself which allowed me to clear my head and focus on what I was really there for. I decided to wear my boots with my cute skirt that I got last summer from Gabriel Brothers.

Sunday I ended up going floating on the river with Sami before she had to go to work then Anthony, JK, Shalene and I went fishing at the Zemba farm. We didn't catch anything but we did have fun!

Monday: I went over to Hendershot's for a cookout. They had all kinds of delicious food including fish that Shane caught and brought home from Canada. After we all ate we decided to go look at a car that was for sale for Shalene and they ended up buying it! After Anthony got off of work the four of us went fishing again and Shalene and I caught our first big catfishes and I caught a big striper! We were both so excited!!!!

Now I am just trying to get through my 3.5 day week until the weekend and I meet again. Not real sure whats going on this weekend other than Shalene's graduation party and probably some fishing with Anthony because since the weather is so nice that is all we ever do!

What do you and your family get into with Summer finally being here?

Fridays Letters - Where has the time gone?

As always I am linking up over at Adventures of Newlyweds for Fridays Letters. 

Dear Jonathan,
Today is the big day! You are graduating high school and you seriously have the world at your fingertips. You are already set up with a big boy job and I am pretty sure this is what you have always wanted, playing with the big trucks! I am so proud of you and the man you have grown up to be. I cannot wait to watch you walk across that stage tonight. I Love you! xoxo

Dear Miss Molly,

today is your big day too! Happy Graduation Day little girl. Its hard to believe you are already graduating preschool. It feels like yesterday Anthony and I were bring bubby and sissy to the hospital to see you for the 1st time and now you are riding your bike like a crazy stunt rider and are going to be starting kindergarden in the August. I can't wait to see everything your are going to accomplish in your life and take my word for it the next 13 years are going to go by so fast, it will be over before you know it, just ask JK. I love you Miss Molly! xoxo.

Love, 

"Brittany Kuhn"

Dear extra long weekend,

please take your good ole time! I am excited to enjoy you and the nice weather you are bringing. We have a lot planned, between graduations, birthday parties, camping at the river, cookouts, hopefully a river float with some friends and who knows what else we will be getting into. Thanks for getting here so fast!

Dear Bloggers,

Thank-you so much for all your sweet comments this week and to all the new followers, Thank-you! I love reading all your blogs and checking out what everyone is getting into! Have a great weekend and see you on Tuesday! I am taking the weekend off to enjoy my 3 day weekend.

okie dokie smokie..

Well today I am do my first ever It's ok Thursday over at Brunch with Amber. Feel free to link up over there...

 

- its okay that I decided to sleep in an extra 25 minutes to only have to take a 5 minute shower and run out the door with a half wet pony tail, almost no makeup on and my legs need shaved and I decided to throw on capris.

 

- its okay that even though I was running super late I felt the absolute need to go through Tim Horton's and get a bagel and a large strawberry banana fruit smoothie

-its okay that I am counting down the days with my counter ap on my phone til we leave for vacation.

-its okay that I have been shopping nonstop for a new pair of cowboy boots to wear for our engagement pictures even though I already have 7 pairs...A girl can never have too many boots! It is a toss up between these three. If I don't get the blue ones now they are the ones I am getting for the wedding anyways.

 

-Its ok that I am probably going to be a cry baby all day tomorrow. Between Miss Molly graduating from preschool and Jonathan's high school graduation I am going to be a little emotional. But thats ok!

-Its going to be ok that The Children's Place did not have the flower girl dresses in one of the sizes that I needed. I will be able to find something else much cuter! (crossing my fingers)

-Its ok that I am seriously considering having an outdoor wedding even though that is just going to up my stress level by 10 but it will be ok. This is what Anthony and I want and that is what the whole day is about right?

 

Well that is my ok thursday. What are you ok with today?

If Heaven Wasn't So Far Away...// Weekend Recap

I started the weekend off by going to get my hair done which I mentioned in Friday's Letters. I have been slowly trying to get back to my blonde hair that is more of my natural color. Last fall I decided to color it brown and I have not been pleased with it ever since. I went to Stephanie a little over a month ago and had some blonde high lights put in but it still wasn't what I was truly wanting. Well Friday I was just going to have her put some more highlights in it but I figured what the heck and she did a foil weave and put lots of blonde in it. I LOVE IT!!! I also decided to get my bangs cut shorter so I can have more of a styled look. I am still playing with them but the blonde is here to stay! What do you think?

Friday night Anthony and I decided to pack our stuff up and headed to the river for the night. We got some work done around our lot, I rearranged the deck furniture and we burnt lots of sticks and leaves that were laying around. After fixing the dock up some we decided to put the poles in the water and relax. I invited Aubrey and Mark down to hangout but they couldn't make but it was nice to have some quality time just the two of us. 

I did get some turkey hunting in this weekend. Unfortunately I didn't get to shoot one and I wasted my tag because yesterday was the last day for spring turkey season here in Ohio. Oh well here in a couple months it will be deer season and I have been practicing shooting my bow so soon enough we will be back out in the woods! The picture below is the crazy turkey hunt we went on yesterday. We started out in that far clearing in the trees on the other side of that ravine and there were 4 turkeys where I took the picture. We had to be sneaky and go through the edge of the woods all the way around and try to sneak in behind them. This took a lil over 45 minutes and unfortunately when we checked to find them they were gone! They must have gone into the woods and we could not locate them. This was the hardest I had worked for a turkey this whole season and I was pretty bummed but hey that's the game and they outsmarted us this time but next year we will be back. 

Saturday night we went roosting the turkeys which is you just go out and look to see what trees the turkeys are sleeping in for the night so the next morning you can get them when they fly down for the day.

 Yesterday was the 7 year anniversary of my Grandpa Spiker's death so we had lunch over at Grandma's house to celebrate his life and spend time together. We ended up setting up the new trampoline Grandma got the grandkids for Christmas and I sat up the slip n slide because it was so hot! Last night we ended up going fishing down at the pond and I got some bow practice in. Anthony caught like 5 fish and like always I only caught one but this time it wasn't a blue gill so I was super excited about that! I was also able to snap some pictures of the flowers and stuff around the pond.

Anthony's first catch of the day

my bass

I love this picture!

bow practice

 While we were outside enjoying the weather I couldn't help but notice how beautiful the sky was. I thought of Grandpa immediately and quietly thanked him for such a wonderful ending to the day. It is so hard to believe it has been seven years since he went to a better place free of suffering and pain. I think about him every day in even the smallest things. Life is very different without him. Grandpa had this contagious laugh that made everyone around him laugh. He would start laughing and his face would turn so red which I see a lot with my Mom. He was the person that got me started in 4H and showing lambs, I can't help but get a huge smile on my face while I am teaching Maddy everything he taught me. In the beginning it was very hard right after he died to find happiness in the things that reminded me of him but I can honestly say that now I am humbled knowing the he is in a much better place watching down on all of us. Justin Moore's song If Heaven Wasn't So Far Away speaks so much truth about death and dying and every time it comes on the radio I think how amazing it would be if heaven really wasn't so far away and we could just visit our love ones. Even one day would be perfect for me. But until then I can handle these gorgeous sunsets and the little reminders that Grandpa sends me every day. I love you Grandpa, xoxo